Welcome to my journey back to sanity after a long battle, which I am still fighting, to reclaim myself from a central nervous system/full body infection caused by a teeny-tiny bug bite. Not so long ago, I woke up from a heinous nightmare that lasted years, and I must admit I feel a bit like Woody Allen in that movie, Sleeper. I probably just dated myself, but if you’re not familiar with the movie, hop on that technological Google train, and as Mom used to say, “Look it up”.
Now, back to business. Needless to say, a few months back I stumbled out of my imaginary time capsule/cryo-chamber, and here I am. I experienced a few of those moments when Johnny Depp should have popped up saying, ” Good Morning Starshine, the Earth says hello.” Instead I found myself saying a lot of, what the #%@! happened to me? Will my brain ever heal, or will I walk around in this constant state of what Native Americans call Svaha? Or at least that’s what my neuro-psychologist called my state of being (Brilliant man and one of the few doctors who believed that something hijacked my brain).
Svaha–Amerindian; the time between seeing the lightning and hearing the thunder; a waiting for promises to be fulfilled. That is to say I felt stuck in between real life and a rather bizarre healing process that entailed healing from the inside out. More simply put, in order to heal my brain I need to heal my Spirit .
Along the journey, after trying to do a tremendous amount of research with a swollen brain i.e. Anti-NMDF Autoimmune Encephelitis (a.k.a. Brain on Fire), I found what is called a Functional Medicine Doctor. I accredit her with saving my life and my sanity, and there was and still is to this day, this Marine guy who told me, “No one is left behind.”
When I wanted to go to Oregon to end my life, he said no. He took his wedding vows seriously, and as crazy as I got (believe me I made Mad Hatter Syndrome look like a case of PMS) he never let go of me. If you’re reading this my love, Semper Fidelis. I couldn’t do this without you.
I try to wake up everyday with the mindset that it is a new day. The pain of the day before died , and its memory serves no purpose in my recovery. When I pray, I try to remember to say these words, please let me make a difference today.
Sometimes that difference might only be to save a spider from being smashed by my husband, or eaten by my cat. Which might not seem like much to most people, but that spider cares about what I did. Perhaps I can also make a difference by reaching out to a few people with this blog. One never knows unless you try.
Indian Paintbrush: My favorite flower
Paint your life with beauty, let no sorrow enter your song.
Adrianne's Odyssey 